“Come on Vern – the
kids haven’t changed. You have!”
Maybe I’ve changed.
Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe I
just don’t have the stamina for it the way I used to, or I’m realizing that
life’s too short. Lately I’m learning
that my patience for beer geekdom is wearing thin. Yep, this is going to be a rant post – the
fun kind. The kind where I vent about
something that makes me shake my head & want to sit people down, bring their
face in close, & say “Relax.”
Most of these types of post end with just that message: “Relax.
It’s beer. It’s supposed to be
enjoyed. So enjoy.” Sure, I express some of my stress in the
process – but hopefully in service of the greater sanity of the beer drinking
public (at least the sliver of a percentage that read this blog). Beer is to be taken seriously, & we take
it very seriously. But not at the price
of pleasure. Past blog posts have aired
grievances on obsessive beer-hunting, “proper” glassware, food pairings,
overwrought descriptors, interminably recycled apocrypha – all with the
underlying moral that, hey, it’s beer.
It’s a luxury designed to make life a little better, & if you’re
getting all twisted about it, you’re doing it wrong.
When I say “my patience for beer geekdom is wearing thin”,
I’m not talking about “geeking out”, the kind of open-minded enthusiasm &
fun that makes my job worthwhile. I’m
talking about anal retentive “how to”-ism, the kind espoused by those
attempting (I’m sure in good faith) to “elevate” & “educate” people about
beer. There exists the mentality that
there is a “proper” way to do…pretty much anything with beer. How to store it. How to pour it. How to smell it. How to taste it. What glassware to use for what style. What temperature is optimal for what
style. How much head to leave in a
glass. Whether beer should be cellared
upright or on its side. What beer should
be served with what food. Whether you
should evaluate appearance or aroma first.
Why you should always wash glassware by hand. What implements you should use to wash
glassware by hand. Whether you should
smell with long inhales or short sniffs.
What you should do to optimally taste the beer once it’s IN YOUR MOUTH. Seriously, I’ve heard or read at least
half-a-dozen different maneuvers to do with your tongue & cheeks to
“properly” taste a beer, some of which I don’t even understand from an
anatomical perspective. With some of these “rules” everyone seems to be in
agreement, others you have sharply divided camps – for instance, do you prefer
your Berliner weiss with or without syrup?
We subscribe to a certain percentage of these rules (as any
self-respecting bar should). But all the
minutia & “experience optimization” gets to be a bit much. I understand that the purpose is to help
people enhance their appreciation & put beer on a pedestal, presenting it
at its best. At a certain point, though,
it starts to feel like a psychological bat used to beat people into feeling
like their missing out or doing things “the wrong way”. You might think that stout’s good, but
nowhere near as good as it is with five years on it. You might like that double IPA, but if it’s
not in a tulip you lose a lot of the volatile aromatics. The sweet spot for that barleywine is really
at 58. Jesus. Here I was, silly old uninformed me, thinking
I was really getting into this. Thanks
for proving me wrong, sucks to be me.
Now I’m not arguing for the abuse of beer, & think it
should be treated with respect (& no, I don’t consider a lemon wedge on the
glass ‘abuse’). Everyone needs to decide
how much stock to put into all these “guidelines” & at what point it becomes
overblown puffery, or just too much of a pain in the ass to keep up with. Set your own standards. Personally, I almost always use a glass,
usually a shaker, with exceptions for pilsners, Belgians, &
barleywines. I hate being served a
chilled glass, but will drink it & ask politely for a room temperature
glass next time. If you drink straight
from the can, go for it. If you only
drink Kolsch from a Stange, more power.
Prefer your IPAs aged? Okay then. What matters is that you like what you’re
drinking, that you’re enjoying your beer.
It’s not rocket surgery – beer is meant to bring pleasure, & if
you’re there you’re there. If it tastes
good, you’re doing it right.
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